title

Oh well, whatever. Nevermind.

2009-04-03T23:51:00.000-07:00

It's late. I'm tired. But not really. Which is the problem. Or one of them.

I sneezed. No one was awake to say anything like, "Bless you." Sneezing is scary if you think about it. You could die.

I bet you would be disappointed then. You would be reading an unfinished blog post. Just sitting there wondering if I was ever going to get to something interesting.

I doubt I will.

I feel funny. I do not know what I am even feeling. It is a mixture of everything. I feel sad then mad then happy then bad then ashamed then embarrassed and I'm pretty sure it's just cycling through those things.

Hmm. I wonder how many people read this. And out of those people how many know it is me. I can only think of two. That's so sad. It makes me feel like what I'm writing on this should be directed at them, maybe even addressing them. But it's just where my thoughts are when I am awake at three AM.

Wow. It's three AM. I'm going to try to sleep. Just so it will all stop. Hopefully my recurring dream will leave me alone tonight. We shall see.

2009-03-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

I can tell that tomorrow is going to be just terrific. . .

And that's getting old.

2009-03-16T11:48:00.000-07:00

You say, "Jump."

I say, "How high???"

I never wanted to be that girl.

I guess I am needy.

2009-03-15T12:57:00.000-07:00

I am tired, tired, tired of all of this.

I just need to know what to do, what to think.

I wish I could just let it go.

I just need to get over it.

I wish I knew how.

I just need to focus on the rest of my life.

I wish I could ignore it.

I just need to . . . fix it.

I wish I knew what was wrong.

I just need to get out, get away, be done.

I wish it was possible.

trying to distract myself

2009-03-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

1. Last beverage→ Sweet tea
2. Last phone call→ Voice mail. . . How disappointing.
3. Last instant message→ Erica
4. Last cd played→ CD's? Psh. I don't remember. . .
5. Last time you cried→ Last Tuesday.
6. Last text message→ Conor.

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:

1. Dated someone twice? yes. . .
2. Been cheated on? i dont think so
3. Kissed someone & regretted it?yes
4. Lost someone special? yes
5. Been depressed? yes
6. Been drunk and threw up? no

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

1. green
2. blue
3. i dunno. . . yellow?

THIS MONTH HAVE YOU:

1. Made a new friend? no. i failed at that.
2. Fallen out of love? no.
3. Laughed until you cried? yes. last Thursday.
4. Met someone who changed your life? maybe. . ?
5. Found out who your true friends were? i already knew. but one really came through.
6. Is there something you want to tell someone? yes.
7. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life? almost all.
8. How many kids do you want to have? maybe three. but i am not sure. it depends.
9. Do you have any pets? yes.
10. Do you want to change your name? I did. I just settled though.
11. What did you do for your last birthday? Erica threw me a party and it was amazazing. And . . . why is this in "THIS MONTH HAVE YOU" . . .
12. What time did you wake up today? 8:01
13. What were you doing at midnight last night? talking on the phone and working on funny farm.
14. Name something you CANNOT wait for? too much to choose from.
15. Last time you saw your father? today.
16. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? too much to choose from.
17. What are you listening to right now? Modest Mouse.
18. Have you ever talked to Rob? . . . maybe?
19. Who's getting on your nerves right now? mi madre.
20. Most visited webpage? Umm I'm not sure.

001. Whats your real name? Lacey.
002. Nicknames → Lace. And Rose.
003. Status → I don't really get it.
004. Zodiac sign → Aquarius.
005. Male or female → Female.
006. Elementary → Chaires, then Roberts.
007. Middle school → Deerlake.
008. High school → Lawton Chiles.
010. Hair color → Dirty blonde.
011. Long or short → Short.
015. Are you health freak? → Not particularly.
016. Height → 5 foot 4.
017. Do you have a crush on someone → Maybe. ;)
018. Do you like yourself → No, quite the opposite actually.
019. Piercings → Ears.
020. Tattoos → No.
021. Righty or lefty → Righty.

FIRSTS :
022. First surgery → When I got my wisdom teeth out. . .
023. First piercing → Ears.
024. First best friend → Katie.
025. First award → I don't get awards.
026. First sport you joined → I didn't ever want to be on a team because I didn't want to let people down.
027. First pet → A fish maybe?
028. First vacation →My family went to Hawaii when I wasn't even a year old. Probably that one.
029. First concert → Probably piano.
030. First Belief → I have no idea.

CURRENTLY :

049. Eating → Nothing.
050. Drinking → Nothing.
052. I'm about to → Run, hopefully.
053. Listening to → Nothing now.
055. Waiting for → The rest of my life.

YOUR FUTURE :

058. Want kids? Yes. I think. It depends on the guy.
059. Want to get married? Yes.
060. Careers in mind? Lawyer. Psychologist. Crime Scene Investigator. Detective.

THERE IS NO CATEGORY NAME HERE SO I WILL MAKE ONE :

068. Lips or eyes → Umm. . . I don't really know how to compare.
069. Hugs or kisses → Both.
070. Shorter or taller → Taller.
072. Romantic or spontaneous → Romantically spontaneous.
073. Nice stomach or nice arms → Whatever.
074. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive. . . I guess. . . I just don't want someone too loud.
075. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship.
077. Trouble maker or hesitant → Hesitant.

HAVE YOU EVER:

079. Drank hard liquor: I'm not sure what the definition of hard liquor is.
080. Lost glasses/contacts → Yes.
081. Ran away from home → Tried.
084. Broken someone's heart → Yes. Unfortunately.
085. Been arrested → No.
086. Turned someone down → Yes.
087. Cried when someone died → Yes.
088. Liked a guy/girl friend → Yes. A guy friend, of course.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

089. Yourself → Nope.
090. Miracles → Not really.
091. Love at first sight → No.
092. Heaven → I would like to.
093. Santa Claus → I really really would like to.
095. Kissing on the first date → Not really.
096. Angels → I would like to I guess.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :

097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Yes, yes, yes.
098. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? No.
099. Do you believe in God? I wish that I did.
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? The numbers skip around. So no.

2009-03-11T17:39:00.000-07:00

So I'm pretty bored. And I had a pretty crappy day. So I was trying to think of something that would entertain me. And this is all I found.

1. taken a picture naked? this question is flawed. is it asking if I've taken a picture while I'm naked or been in a picture naked? There is no way to tell.

2. painted your room? no

3. made out with a member of the same sex? no

4. drove a car? yes

5. danced in front of your mirror? yes

6. have a crush? yes

7. been dumped? yes

8. stole money from a friend? no

9. gotten in the car with people you didnt know? not really

10. been in a fist fight? no

11. had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? yes

12. had feelings for a friend? yes

13. made out with a stranger? no

14. met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? yes

15. left your house with out telling your parents? yes

16. had a crush on your neighbor? yes

17. ditched school to do something more fun? yes

18. slept (not had sex) in a bed with a member of the same sex? yes

19. seen someone die? no

20. been on a plane? yes

21. kissed a picture? no

22. slept in until 3? yes

23. miss someone right now? yes

24. laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? yes

25. made a snow angel? i can not remember

26. played dress up? yes

27. cheated while playing a game? yes

28. been lonely? yes

19. fallen asleep at work/school? yes

30. been to a bar? yes

31. felt an earthquake? no

32. touched a snake? umm i think so . . .

33. ran a red light? yes

34. been suspended from school? no

35. had detention? no

36. been in a car accident that you didnt cause? yes

37. hated the way you look? yes

38. witnessed a crime? no

39. been the person doing the crime? no

40. pole danced? as a joke, yes

41. been lost? yes

42. been to the opposite side of the country? yes

43. felt so sick you thought you might die? yes

44. cried yourself to sleep? yes

45. sang karaoke? yes

46. done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? yes

47. laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? yes

48. caught a snowflake on your tongue? yes

49. kissed in the rain? yes

50. sang in the shower? yes

51. had sex in a park? no

52. had a dream where you were married? yes

53. glued your hand to something? yes

54. got your tongue/”arm” stuck to a flag pole? no

55. ever gone to school partially naked? What does that even mean. . .?

56. been a cheerleader? no

57. sat on a roof top? yes

58. didn’t take a shower for a week? no

59. ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? always

60. played chicken? yes?

61. been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? yes

62. broken a bone? no

63. been easily amused? i suppose. at one time or another.

64. laughed so hard you cried? yes

65. mooned/flashed someone? accidentally.

66. cheated on a test? no

67: forgotten someones name? yes

68. slept naked? yes

69. gone skinny dipping? yes

70. blacked out from drinking? no

71. played a prank on someone? yes

72. gone to a late night movie? yes

73. made love to anything not human? no

74. failed a class? no

75. choked on something you’re not supposed to eat? no

76. played an instrument for more than 10 hours in total? yes

77. been cheated on? not that i know of

78. did you celebrate the 4th of July? not really.

79. thrown strange objects? yes

80. felt like killing someone? yes

81. felt like running away? yes

82. did drugs? no

83. had detention and not attend it? no

84. made a parent cry? yes

85. cried about someone? yes

86. had sex with more than one person in a 24 hour period? no

87. dated someone you didn’t even like? no

88. had/have a dog? yes

89. own an instrument? yes

90. been in band? no

91. drank 25 sodas in a day? no

92. broken a CD? yes

93. shot a gun? yes

94. had feelings for one of your best friends? yes

2009-01-08T16:32:00.000-08:00

I've never known anyone my age who has died before. At first, it was unreal to me. I couldn't believe that when I went to my AP Lang class tomorrow, Morgan Hooper would not be sitting there smiling. So I didn't go to that class. I don't want to tomorrow, but I know that I will. We will probably talk about Morgan and how we all are handling it.

I haven't been good friends with Morgan since eighth grade. She was in my English class and she was so much fun to be around. One day we were having a party in that class, and we went to get sodas. The machine was out so we went to the teacher's lounge and she went in to get the drinks while I kept watch outside the door. I never usually do stuff like that.

She was so spontaneous and outgoing. She was nice to everyone that she met. I've never known someone so optimistic and energetic. She was always so happy and always smiling. She made so many people happy. She was so full of life, and I think that that's what bothers me the most.

This whole event has really put everything into perspective for me. Life is a gift and we shouldn't waste a second that we have. We shouldn't hold back. We should live life to the fullest. We should be as optimistic as possible. That's what Morgan would want.

I haven't really had any strong beliefs for a long time. I just couldn't believe in God or Heaven or anything like that. Now, thinking about it, I can't imagine Morgan being anywhere else right now. I want to have the kind of faith that she had. She will never know how much she has impacted my life.

Morgan, rest in peace. We are all thinking about you.

2008-06-12T20:12:00.000-07:00

most of the time I feel terribly invisible
except when i dont want people to see

here it goes again

2008-05-28T12:56:00.000-07:00

I thought of a really interesting idea. At least I think it's pretty interesting. I went through all the people and wrote some of you a little something. It's supposed to be kinda anonymous. No I'm not tagging you if you're in this. I'll tell you if you're in it if you ask but not who you are. That would be far too easy!!

We weren't close this year like the other years. We let stupid stuff get in the way of our friendship and I'm sorry for my part in it. I'm glad we made up.

You are amazing. You shock me. Sometimes in an amazingly good way and sometimes not so much. . . You hurt me pretty badly. I miss you.

You're one of my best friends. I love you. I would do anything for you. I don't want to lose you. Sometimes I feel like I am.

You're brilliant. HILARIOUS. And unbelievably sweet. I am sorry for a few things. . . but I will never regret anything.

You're the prettiest girl I've ever known. You have an amazing personality. I wish we were better friends.

You have the best sense of style and individuality. I always wanted to talk to you but I was intimidated. I'm glad I did. I'm glad we're friends. I miss you. We need to hang out! Badly.

You have such great morals and sense of self worth. I may have assumed a little that you would be judgmental. You weren't. I love you for that because that was really what I needed. You're one of my best friends.

You are quite possibly the best person I've ever met. I haven't known you very long but I feel I can say that without any hesitation. No one's been that accepting of me in every way. That willing to help me, no questions asked. You understand. I wish you would think of yourself better because I think of you in the best possible way. You are AWESOME!!! You are soft spoken and sweet and amazing.

I have so much fun when I'm with you. You're a part of the family. I wish I saw you more, you're amazing.

I'm just getting to know you. From what I can tell you are great. You have great advice. You chose a good goal in life. I think you will succeed.

I'm so glad that we're together again. Your my best friend and I love you.
You're an amazing artist. You have great taste in music. You are so sweet. Overall. . . just great. I am sorry that we probably wont ever be closer.

You're such a unique person. You're brilliant. I really relate to you. You're a great person. I wish we hung out more outside of school. I always have the best time when I'm with you.

You are like my sister. You mean so much to me. I don't know if you'll ever fully comprehend it.

I just met you. We don't talk that much. You're so nice though.

I miss you so much. You were such a great friend. I wasn't at all. I'm sorry. I hope we are friends again. I think we will be.

You remind me so much of myself. For that I'm sorry. You're great. I hope we stay in touch. I missed you last year!

You are so awesome. You always make me laugh. You should be a writer or something because you have a way with words and I would definitely read a book that you wrote.

Yup. The end. If I missed you don't feel bad.

Everybody Hurts. . .Oh Dwight

2008-05-25T13:03:00.000-07:00

I feel overwhelmed.

I think that it's too much for me to handle. I mean. . . this is the type of situation I always wanted. I always wanted a full busy challenging life. Is this too much?

This summer I am taking two, hopefully three classes online. I am also getting licensed as a Personal Fitness Trainer and as a Cosmetic Estetician. I am learning to cook and learning chemistry. I am working a job doing lawn care. And I have friends and I need time for that.

Next school year doesn't really get better in my opinion. I'll have 4 AP Classes, not counting one that is online. All my classes are academic. I will probably have another online class carry over into next year too. On top of that I will also be getting licensed in hair care and nails.

I feel like there are a lot of things that I have been neglecting already in my life and it needs to stop. I need to prioritize and not waste my time doing things that don't count for anything. I need to find a balance. It's hard.

I am in a relationship with a guy who I love very much. Sometimes I worry about things and sometimes he does things that hurt me or bother me or break my heart just a little. No one is perfect. But I need to find some balance because he's not the only person in my life and I have other important obligations to my friends and to my classes and to my future and to myself. I

I am tired.

I am sitting on my bed with pens, pencils, notebooks, binders, and paper strewn everywhere. I am starting to panic. I am starting to doubt myself.

don't stop believin'

2008-02-27T17:33:00.000-08:00

Yes. Journey.

Easy Mac has to be one of the most delicious things ever. I should get paid for advertising their product. It's ok though. That is how much I like it.

Stat test. Tracking. Ugh. Not looking foward to it. Just want to eat Mac and Cheese and be with him forever and play rock band and sleep and have life be perfect. But its not that way. If it wasn't for him I don't know what I would do.

Time to concentrate. Oh my. Wish me luck. I will need it.

I need to clean my room. I get this feeling when I have something to do. I could write on this blog forever. Empty words. Philosophes. I could talk about anything and everything to put off the work that I know needs to be done. But I'm not going to let that happen. I wish you all luck in your lives. Sometimes I need a little luck. Just figured it couldn't hurt. . .

tainted love

2008-02-27T16:56:00.000-08:00

What captivates me on TV?
Countdowns.

100 Greatest One Hit Wonders
Tainted Love was number two.
The Macarena was number one but it isn't my title because I never really liked it.
I do like the dance kind of.

Hi Kejing.
You are amazing. The note that you gave me on my birthday was one of the best things that I got.
Thank you for everything. You've always been there for me to help me through everything. Always wanting to help me. Always being supportive. Always being great. I love you for that. You are really one of the best people I met and I am glad that we are friends.

I am going to learn to cook. If its the last thing I do.

I'll probably write some more later. But. . . I'm in need of some Easy Mac.
TTFN
(Tigger and Eeyore were my favorites.)