Oh well, whatever. Nevermind.

It's late. I'm tired. But not really. Which is the problem. Or one of them.

I sneezed. No one was awake to say anything like, "Bless you." Sneezing is scary if you think about it. You could die.

I bet you would be disappointed then. You would be reading an unfinished blog post. Just sitting there wondering if I was ever going to get to something interesting.

I doubt I will.

I feel funny. I do not know what I am even feeling. It is a mixture of everything. I feel sad then mad then happy then bad then ashamed then embarrassed and I'm pretty sure it's just cycling through those things.

Hmm. I wonder how many people read this. And out of those people how many know it is me. I can only think of two. That's so sad. It makes me feel like what I'm writing on this should be directed at them, maybe even addressing them. But it's just where my thoughts are when I am awake at three AM.

Wow. It's three AM. I'm going to try to sleep. Just so it will all stop. Hopefully my recurring dream will leave me alone tonight. We shall see.

I can tell that tomorrow is going to be just terrific. . .

And that's getting old.

You say, "Jump."


I say, "How high???"






I never wanted to be that girl.

I guess I am needy.

I am tired, tired, tired of all of this.

I just need to know what to do, what to think.

I wish I could just let it go.

I just need to get over it.

I wish I knew how.

I just need to focus on the rest of my life.

I wish I could ignore it.

I just need to . . . fix it.

I wish I knew what was wrong.

I just need to get out, get away, be done.

I wish it was possible.

trying to distract myself

1. Last beverage→ Sweet tea
2. Last phone call→ Voice mail. . . How disappointing.
3. Last instant message→ Erica
4. Last cd played→ CD's? Psh. I don't remember. . .
5. Last time you cried→ Last Tuesday.
6. Last text message→ Conor.

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:

1. Dated someone twice? yes. . .
2. Been cheated on? i dont think so
3. Kissed someone & regretted it?yes
4. Lost someone special? yes
5. Been depressed? yes
6. Been drunk and threw up? no

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

1. green
2. blue
3. i dunno. . . yellow?

THIS MONTH HAVE YOU:

1. Made a new friend? no. i failed at that.
2. Fallen out of love? no.
3. Laughed until you cried? yes. last Thursday.
4. Met someone who changed your life? maybe. . ?
5. Found out who your true friends were? i already knew. but one really came through.
6. Is there something you want to tell someone? yes.
7. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life? almost all.
8. How many kids do you want to have? maybe three. but i am not sure. it depends.
9. Do you have any pets? yes.
10. Do you want to change your name? I did. I just settled though.
11. What did you do for your last birthday? Erica threw me a party and it was amazazing. And . . . why is this in "THIS MONTH HAVE YOU" . . .
12. What time did you wake up today? 8:01
13. What were you doing at midnight last night? talking on the phone and working on funny farm.
14. Name something you CANNOT wait for? too much to choose from.
15. Last time you saw your father? today.
16. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? too much to choose from.
17. What are you listening to right now? Modest Mouse.
18. Have you ever talked to Rob? . . . maybe?
19. Who's getting on your nerves right now? mi madre.
20. Most visited webpage? Umm I'm not sure.

001. Whats your real name? Lacey.
002. Nicknames → Lace. And Rose.
003. Status → I don't really get it.
004. Zodiac sign → Aquarius.
005. Male or female → Female.
006. Elementary → Chaires, then Roberts.
007. Middle school → Deerlake.
008. High school → Lawton Chiles.
010. Hair color → Dirty blonde.
011. Long or short → Short.
015. Are you health freak? → Not particularly.
016. Height → 5 foot 4.
017. Do you have a crush on someone → Maybe. ;)
018. Do you like yourself → No, quite the opposite actually.
019. Piercings → Ears.
020. Tattoos → No.
021. Righty or lefty → Righty.

FIRSTS :
022. First surgery → When I got my wisdom teeth out. . .
023. First piercing → Ears.
024. First best friend → Katie.
025. First award → I don't get awards.
026. First sport you joined → I didn't ever want to be on a team because I didn't want to let people down.
027. First pet → A fish maybe?
028. First vacation →My family went to Hawaii when I wasn't even a year old. Probably that one.
029. First concert → Probably piano.
030. First Belief → I have no idea.

CURRENTLY :

049. Eating → Nothing.
050. Drinking → Nothing.
052. I'm about to → Run, hopefully.
053. Listening to → Nothing now.
055. Waiting for → The rest of my life.

YOUR FUTURE :

058. Want kids? Yes. I think. It depends on the guy.
059. Want to get married? Yes.
060. Careers in mind? Lawyer. Psychologist. Crime Scene Investigator. Detective.

THERE IS NO CATEGORY NAME HERE SO I WILL MAKE ONE :

068. Lips or eyes → Umm. . . I don't really know how to compare.
069. Hugs or kisses → Both.
070. Shorter or taller → Taller.
072. Romantic or spontaneous → Romantically spontaneous.
073. Nice stomach or nice arms → Whatever.
074. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive. . . I guess. . . I just don't want someone too loud.
075. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship.
077. Trouble maker or hesitant → Hesitant.

HAVE YOU EVER:

079. Drank hard liquor: I'm not sure what the definition of hard liquor is.
080. Lost glasses/contacts → Yes.
081. Ran away from home → Tried.
084. Broken someone's heart → Yes. Unfortunately.
085. Been arrested → No.
086. Turned someone down → Yes.
087. Cried when someone died → Yes.
088. Liked a guy/girl friend → Yes. A guy friend, of course.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

089. Yourself → Nope.
090. Miracles → Not really.
091. Love at first sight → No.
092. Heaven → I would like to.
093. Santa Claus → I really really would like to.
095. Kissing on the first date → Not really.
096. Angels → I would like to I guess.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :

097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Yes, yes, yes.
098. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? No.
099. Do you believe in God? I wish that I did.
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? The numbers skip around. So no.

So I'm pretty bored. And I had a pretty crappy day. So I was trying to think of something that would entertain me. And this is all I found.

1. taken a picture naked? this question is flawed. is it asking if I've taken a picture while I'm naked or been in a picture naked? There is no way to tell.

2. painted your room? no

3. made out with a member of the same sex? no

4. drove a car? yes

5. danced in front of your mirror? yes

6. have a crush? yes

7. been dumped? yes

8. stole money from a friend? no

9. gotten in the car with people you didnt know? not really

10. been in a fist fight? no

11. had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? yes

12. had feelings for a friend? yes

13. made out with a stranger? no

14. met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? yes

15. left your house with out telling your parents? yes

16. had a crush on your neighbor? yes

17. ditched school to do something more fun? yes

18. slept (not had sex) in a bed with a member of the same sex? yes

19. seen someone die? no

20. been on a plane? yes

21. kissed a picture? no

22. slept in until 3? yes

23. miss someone right now? yes

24. laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? yes

25. made a snow angel? i can not remember

26. played dress up? yes

27. cheated while playing a game? yes

28. been lonely? yes

19. fallen asleep at work/school? yes

30. been to a bar? yes

31. felt an earthquake? no

32. touched a snake? umm i think so . . .

33. ran a red light? yes

34. been suspended from school? no

35. had detention? no

36. been in a car accident that you didnt cause? yes

37. hated the way you look? yes

38. witnessed a crime? no

39. been the person doing the crime? no

40. pole danced? as a joke, yes

41. been lost? yes

42. been to the opposite side of the country? yes

43. felt so sick you thought you might die? yes

44. cried yourself to sleep? yes

45. sang karaoke? yes

46. done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? yes

47. laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? yes

48. caught a snowflake on your tongue? yes

49. kissed in the rain? yes

50. sang in the shower? yes

51. had sex in a park? no

52. had a dream where you were married? yes

53. glued your hand to something? yes

54. got your tongue/”arm” stuck to a flag pole? no

55. ever gone to school partially naked? What does that even mean. . .?

56. been a cheerleader? no

57. sat on a roof top? yes

58. didn’t take a shower for a week? no

59. ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? always

60. played chicken? yes?

61. been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? yes

62. broken a bone? no

63. been easily amused? i suppose. at one time or another.

64. laughed so hard you cried? yes

65. mooned/flashed someone? accidentally.

66. cheated on a test? no

67: forgotten someones name? yes

68. slept naked? yes

69. gone skinny dipping? yes

70. blacked out from drinking? no

71. played a prank on someone? yes

72. gone to a late night movie? yes

73. made love to anything not human? no

74. failed a class? no

75. choked on something you’re not supposed to eat? no

76. played an instrument for more than 10 hours in total? yes

77. been cheated on? not that i know of

78. did you celebrate the 4th of July? not really.

79. thrown strange objects? yes

80. felt like killing someone? yes

81. felt like running away? yes

82. did drugs? no

83. had detention and not attend it? no

84. made a parent cry? yes

85. cried about someone? yes

86. had sex with more than one person in a 24 hour period? no

87. dated someone you didn’t even like? no

88. had/have a dog? yes

89. own an instrument? yes

90. been in band? no

91. drank 25 sodas in a day? no

92. broken a CD? yes

93. shot a gun? yes

94. had feelings for one of your best friends? yes

I've never known anyone my age who has died before. At first, it was unreal to me. I couldn't believe that when I went to my AP Lang class tomorrow, Morgan Hooper would not be sitting there smiling. So I didn't go to that class. I don't want to tomorrow, but I know that I will. We will probably talk about Morgan and how we all are handling it.

I haven't been good friends with Morgan since eighth grade. She was in my English class and she was so much fun to be around. One day we were having a party in that class, and we went to get sodas. The machine was out so we went to the teacher's lounge and she went in to get the drinks while I kept watch outside the door. I never usually do stuff like that.

She was so spontaneous and outgoing. She was nice to everyone that she met. I've never known someone so optimistic and energetic. She was always so happy and always smiling. She made so many people happy. She was so full of life, and I think that that's what bothers me the most.

This whole event has really put everything into perspective for me. Life is a gift and we shouldn't waste a second that we have. We shouldn't hold back. We should live life to the fullest. We should be as optimistic as possible. That's what Morgan would want.

I haven't really had any strong beliefs for a long time. I just couldn't believe in God or Heaven or anything like that. Now, thinking about it, I can't imagine Morgan being anywhere else right now. I want to have the kind of faith that she had. She will never know how much she has impacted my life.

Morgan, rest in peace. We are all thinking about you.